Human Resources

A Corporate Nightmare

By Floyd Kemske





"A wonderfully ambigious and deliciously wicked tale
leavened by humor ... in a jugular vein."
--Kirkus Reviews


"Like the best black comedy, Kemske creates ... worlds of the imagination
that make the reader first laugh, then blanch, and then grasp the painful plausibility."
--Boston Phoenix Literary Supplement






Vampirism is the use of humans as resources. So is vampirism.

Biomethods, Inc. is a struggling biotechnology company whose venture capital group is growing tired of pumping in new blood every quarter. Pierce is hired to turn the company around, to raise it from the dead. He intends on re-engineering the company, changing its structure and much of its personnel.

Pierce wants Norman, the unambitious manager of the Human Resources department, to find him the people with ideas and to fire the people without them. Norman's on-the-job training alternates with chapters that follow Pierce's education in management and evil in 18th-century France and England.

By the way, Human Resources was the first novel to be edited on-line on the Internet. The editing process, on the book's first half, can be found here.

$12.95 paper, 224 pages, ISBN 0-945774-29-X


Order from your local bookstore via Book Sense


Click here to read the first chapter of Human Resources
and there's also a short excerpt from later in the novel below.



Excerpt from Human Resources


"I got my bonus check, Norman," said Pierce. "The Assistant Controller cut it for me."

Norman didn't know what to say. He shrugged in the darkness.

"I've often found one of the fastest ways to get action out of an employee is to fire his supervisor," said Pierce. "Sit down."

Norman sat down. He watched Pierce's necktie and shirt front in the circle of light. He heard Jacqueline sit down beside him, but he didn't look at her.

"Ackerman sold a profitable license today." Pierce's voice came from his shadowed face. "It was a critical achievement, and he deserved a bonus for it. When somebody deserves a bonus, I want him to receive it the same day he's earned it. That's how things are done at Biomethods from now on."

"Do you want me to re-evaluate our procedures for giving bonuses?" said Norman.

"That's not a good use of your time, Norman. Those procedures no longer exist." Pierce pushed a black binder across the desk toward Jacqueline. "Now, whenever I think someone deserves a bonus Jacqueline will write a check."

From the corner of his eye, Norman saw Jacqueline lean forward, pick up the binder, which was actually a checkbook, and pull it onto her lap.

"On the spot." added Pierce.

"Does Jacqueline report to you now?" said Norman.

"She still reports to you," said Pierce

"So I'm in charge of bonus checks?" said Norman.

"Of course not," said Pierce.

Norman was afraid the darkness was obscuring his perceptions. How could Jacqueline report to him if she was managing a function he wasn't responsible for?

"You're going to have to learn to live with ambiguity," said Pierce. "I told you that I've come here to tear down walls, and that's what I'm doing."

"Do you want me to track the checks Jacqueline writes for the Controller's office?" said Norman.

"I guess I forgot to tell you there is no more Controller's office."

Norman's mouth went dry, and he felt his throat tightening.

"I fired them all," said Pierce.

Norman was afraid to ask, but he felt he had to know. He had to get enough information to calulate his chances of keeping his own hob. "What about the Assistant Controller, the one who cut the check for you today?"

"I fired him right after he cut the check," said Pierce. "I don't enjoy this, Norman." There was a gentleness in Pierce's voice that belied his actions. "But people ordinarily don't believe what you are capable of unless you show them."

Norman wished he were home to think about this, maybe talk it over with his wife. It occurred to him he might have to leave this job.

"And you know what I'm capable of now, don't you?" said Pierce.

Norman knew Pierce was capable of firing people on the spot. But he certainly wasn't capable of, say, understanding the Human Resources function.


Catbird Homepage | Catbird Authors | Catbird Specialty Areas | Catbird Links | Catbird Titles